They'll Take Anything Back

Sometimes, people are just gross. I know someone who works in Customer Service at a major retailer and the things he has to deal with are amazing. First off, they pretty much have to accept anything you bring them, which I think is ridiculous when you consider how many people take advantage of policies like that.

Recently, as he tells it, a woman approached the counter wanting to return a blouse. He said he'd be happy to take it. She further explained that she didn't care for the stitching and then carefully peeled down the blouse, revealing her bare shoulder, so she could show him the stitches inside the garment.

"You mean you want to return this blouse?"  he asked.

She nodded.

"The one you are wearing?" he confirmed.

"Yes. I'll just run in the bathroom over there and take it off."

"What are you going to wear in the store?" he asked, realizing that he never saw a bra strap when she pulled down the blouse.

"I'll just hold my cardigan closed," she said, demonstrating how she was going to keep the sweater --which had no buttons-- from revealing too much.

"You can't walk around here like that."

She demonstrated again how she planned to keep her cardigan closed.

He called over his female manager and asked her if she'd like to handle it, before excusing himself.

So there you go.

Hair's the thing...

I recently got my hair cut. After a ba-jillion years with the same to-my-shoulders bob, I decided I'd chop it off. My stylist used various tools to sculpt this mane -- scissors, a razor, a cup of coffee (she was getting tired) -- and when she was done I was quite happy with the outcome. I really looked forward to less time blow-drying my hair in the mornings.

As I took in my new look in the mirror, a raspy voice from behind me said, "You got your hair cut!" Seeing that we were sitting in the salon and there was enough of my hair on the floor to knit a really funky sweater, I didn't know if I should respond or just let the comment sit there. I chose the latter.

"You got your hair cut now?!" she continued. "You did it backwards. It's winter. Now, you'll be cold!" The woman with the wrinkled face and 1950s updo stared at me from the chair where she held court.

Oh, no!

What a fool I was! I'd thought of everything -- a new look, less time with a hair-dryer, a little mousse for styling... but I forgot that it was going to be WINTER soon in the north east. It's the time of year where temperatures and leaves drop, summer shorts get swapped for winter cords, and the heat is turned on inside. It's a time for soup and hot cocoa.

What to do? What to do?

I climbed out of my stylist's chair, grabbed my coat and stepped outside into the brisk fall air...and, just to make sure it would work, put my hood on.

So there you go.

For a while, there was a consultant in the cubicle next to me who burped. A lot. It was so often, that he made no effort to mask it or even excuse himself. Those of us around him would refer to him as "Burpy."

I know. It's not nice, but if you had to listen to this everyday, you'd come up with a name, too.

Anyway, it got me thinking about all of the places I've worked and it seemed that every single one of them had a unique individual who earned a nickname. Here are some of the ones I remember:

• Claws - a woman with incredibly long fingernails. They weren't long enough to win a World Record, but they made you wonder how she typed, filed...picked her nose...
• Slurpy - a guy who drank incessantly from a sports water bottle. As he finished each swig, you heard, well, a slurping noise.
• Tootsie - a manager I had who looked like Dustin Hoffman in character. I didn't give her this one, I swear, others did.
• Bend-n-blast - a woman who thought the coast was clear in a looong hallway and released some gas. Loudly. She didn't notice the other woman in the hall with her.
• Track Runner - This was an exec who walked in a loop through cubeville to keep an eye on everyone in the area, even though none of them reported to him. At least he got his exercise in.
• The Spy - every office has one of these, admit it
• Spongebob - an incredibly annoying man with a square head
• Matt Foley - for an exec who reminded us of Chris Farley's famous motivational speaker. Classic.
• Poncho girl - a woman who wears the same poncho every day. And it is apparently never, ever washed.

So there you go.

Ford Scares Customers in a Whole New Way

With all of the talk about auto recalls, I guess the folks at Ford decided their customers needed something else to be afraid of. The company worked with an organization that creates Halloween events and told their customers that part of the test drive included a trip to a car wash. Then they proceeded to scare the hell out of them.

I'm not sure I would've been to thrilled with this had I been in the car.

Oh, poo!

My brother and his finance live with their daughter in a lovely colonial, on a sizeable lot, in a so-so neighborhood. Since living in said so-so neighborhood, they've had many exciting things happen to them, the least of which was someone torching their cars. I really didn't think anything could top that until he shared the following tale...

In the morning, as I leave for work, I bring the garbage out. As I was walking to the garbage cans, which are down the driveway, toward the back of the house, I saw something near the foundation. As I got closer, I realized it was a very large pile of poo. Now, I had to run back into the house, get a bag or something to pick it up with, and clean up the mess. I was so angry that someone would let their dog do that on someone else's property, that I decided to check the surveillance system when I got home. Then I was going to confront the neighbor about not doing that again.

Later, when I returned home from work, I pulled up the video. After sitting through some very uneventful footage, the camera picked up a light-colored car pulling up in front of my house at about 2 am. I watched as a middle-aged man got out of the car, looked around, then walked out of view.  A few minutes later, he returned, retrieved what looked like a napkin from his car and walked in the direction of my house.

And that's where the other camera, the one mounted near the back door, picked him up. He dropped his pants, squatted and did his business.

People always blame the dog.

Ridiculously amazing

Yesterday, I received a very nice compliment from a colleague. I was told that I was "ridiculously amazing." I am a behind-the-scenes person in a behind-the-scenes job, so kudos don't come that often, but when they do, I feel a bit more energized the rest of the day.

It reminded me of an incident a few months ago at my local supermarket. There is this absolutely sweet woman who oversees the self-checkout lanes and is ready to assist with any problems you may enounter. She helped me bag my groceries and I thanked her, as I always do, when some old geezer chimed in, "Don't thank her. That's her job!" I glared at him and told the woman that I sincerely appreciated her help and I'm sorry that others are just miserable human beings. (He didn't chime in on that comment. Maybe the battery in the hearing aid died.) 

I went home and wrote to the store manager to let them know what an asset she was to their company, that her customer service skills were unparalleled and that I wish more members of their staff were like her. That note was long overdue.

Here's the thing: There are many people out there, like me, who do their jobs -- giving 110% -- and go unrecognized for the work they do. It could be the person helping you bag your groceries, the person taking your appointment at the doctor's office or the person who cleans the bathrooms at your place of work. Take a moment or two to say thanks and tell them you appreciate the work they do. It will not only make that person feel good, but it may just put a spring in your step, too!

What's old is new again

So, at the request of a friend, I dusted off this blog. I had to chuckle when I read the last post. In 2009, I was talking about President Obama and the swine flu. Now, in 2014, I could swap out "swine flu" for "ebola." I guess it is somehow comforting to know that whole years can pass and everything is just the way you left it.

Speaking of leaving things alone -- a thing that a lot of people have trouble with -- I was working on something this week that required edits from a more senior person. While one would think that the focus would be on whether or not the content was right, not so for this VP. Instead, I was questioned my use of the word "brand." You can't write "brand new clothes" because that might get confusing when talking about a company brand several paragraphs later. Ummmm...I am not sure that readers will be THAT confused by the use of the word "brand" in different ways.

And if they are confused, who are these people?

As the kids say, "whatevah!"

You swine

The latest outbreak of the influenza virus is giving journalists something new to talk about. Companies are restrcting travel to and from Mexico City and the US is declaring it a public health emergency, though President Obama is telling the US not to be alarmed. Meanwhile, the World Organization for Animal Health, according to The New York Times, is telling all of us not to call it the "swine flu" because people will think they can get it from eating pork. Huh?

What's really happening here? It's a good news story. Americans have grown tired of hearing about the economy, how the healthcare system is a mess, and we've long since figured out that "reality TV" is carefully staged. We needed something more interesting: an epidemic that can strike anyone, any where fits the bill.

Stay tuned.

Susan Boyle

The nation is raving over Susan Boyle, the dowdy 47-year-old from a village in Scotland who wowed Simon Cowell on Britain's Got Talent. She has an amazing voice and sang a beautiful song that left the audience, and some of the judges, giving her a standing ovation. Many people said it made them cry. I found the song choice to strike an emotional chord, but what I found to be really sad was how she was mocked when she came up on stage. People already judged her based on her looks and many, including Cowell himself, were sure that nothing short of a new violinist could sound worse on the ears. Susan Boyle proved them wrong and reinforced the old saying, "You can't judge a book by its cover." Good for you, Susan!

Flip-flops and funky feet

I'm not sure what the practice is in the rest of the US, but in the northeast there is a trend among women to wear flip-flops during their commute to work and then (ideally) change into shoes at the office. Not for anything, but this makes my stomach churn. I can't help but notice that the vast majority of these women have feet that look like they are caked with dirt. Each step reveals a charcoal gray sole. I know that some of these women have walked through the subways, stepped into the gutters, and God-only-knows where else, no doubt picking up feces and urine along the way. They've got the latest fashions, the hottest hair styles, and make-up worthy of a Covergirl model. Guys are probably drooling all over them and, wait--their feet are covered in muck. Now, that's sexy!

Researchers have taken swabs to toilet seats, the folding trays on airplanes, and other everyday items to look for e. coli, why not swab these feet? Ugh.